*Lies in the dark. Stares at semi-visible window. Watches window sloooooooowly slide downward out of view.*
Also why I woke up at 3am is a mystery. Insomnia is not a tramadol side effect. The dizziness/itching/dry mouth/nausea are… but not the insomnia.
A big part of me is afraid of needing knee surgery. On my supposedly “good” knee.
I will be out of work for ages.
I will have no means of exercise and turn into a whale. More of one.
I will never get to ride again (which is how I got in this state but riding horses calms me… when the horses are sane, which was what I was told this horse was).
I am dizzy and in a knee immobilizer and afraid my medical director is pissed at me. And maybe that’s why I didn’t insist on going home today as much as I could have. See the work ins and multiple appointments and be a good girl for the technicians and put on a happy face!
Now to go to bed in the guest bed, not my bed, because I can’t climb into bed without crying.
I don’t know what is more sad to me… the fact that I feel like I can’t write on my own anymore, or that the longest thing I ever HAVE written by myself (during an age of reason anyway) is a 60K word unfinished fan-fiction of TMNT.